


Confessions

by Camerahead12



Series: Angstober2020 [14]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Destiel Promptober 2020 (Supernatural), Hurts So Good, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27017149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camerahead12/pseuds/Camerahead12
Summary: Day Fourteen; “I love you” During An Argument
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Angstober2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950358
Comments: 10
Kudos: 47
Collections: Destiel Promptober 2020





	Confessions

It has been coming closer and closer to the end for awhile.

More times than not they’ve been at each other’s throat over little shit. Meaningless things really, but they’ve both been itching for a fight almost like they’ve needed it just so they both don’t explode.

It has been a week since Sam went missing. Dean nearly lost his mind during those first twenty-four hours searching over the last places his brother went and coming up with absolutely nothing. After forty-eight hours of going over anything and everything that Sam might have touched with Castiel, Dean was having a difficult time trying to keep his composure, and after the third day he ended up drunk before the sun even came close to setting.

It wasn’t just losing Sam that was making him start to lose it. It was the looks Castiel kept giving him when he thought he couldn’t see. It was the defeated sigh Cas would make when he thought he was too drunk too notice. It was every time Cas looked at him that his eyes only held pity.

By the fifth day of no leads and not knowing where to go from here, he noticed Castiel wasn’t in the room when he managed to roll out of bed. It was weird. After five days of having the guy constantly around him, the cheap motel room seemed too big and too quiet without him.

After a luke warm shower that made him feel half alive, he stumbled out of the bathroom to see Castiel standing beside the bed staring down at his phone. He didn’t even fight him as Dean slipped it from his hands, hitting play on the video.

“Dean,” an unfamiliar person said. “You don’t know me, but I know you. Rumor has it you’d do anything for your little brother here.” The camera pans to the side to show a very bloody Sam tied to a chair with barbed wire. The camera swings back to the man who smirks. “There’s a bounty on your head. A big one. The way I figured it is one Winchester is as good as the next, but imagine my surprise when they refused to take this one. It’s you they want.”

Sam’s screams start and are quickly cut off with a sickening wet sound. The man’s smirk never faltering. “Now, I thought about killing poor little Sammy, but then it occurred to me. The only way I’d ever actually get you is through him.” He leans forward, his expression dropping to something more sinister. Dean caught the rental flare in the light. “In two days I’ll be at Edward’s Park Austin, Texas at exactly one o’clock. Don’t even try looking for me, I wont be in this skin.” He smirks. “It’s a simple trade. Once I have you, I’ll let Sammy go. Hell, I’ll even drop him off at the hospitals door. But if I catch even a whisper of that angel of yours trying to stop me, I’ll kill him. And I’ll make sure you watch when I snap his neck.”

The video cuts off and Dean blinks down at the black screen trying to process through what he just saw.

He doesn’t remember throwing the phone, picking up the television and throwing it, or smashing his fist against the mirror. He doesn’t remember any of the other damage he does to the room. He only comes back to himself after his throat is raw from screaming and his face is wet with tears. He comes back to himself crumbled on the floor, Castiel’s warms tightly around him like he’s trying to keep him from falling apart.

Dean zips up his duffle bag, giving one last look around the room. Castiel stands by the door, giving him the same glare he’s been getting since he told Castiel the night of his freak out that he was going to Austin. Cas tried to get him to change his mind, come up with a plan, but Dean told him to shut up. Actually, he might have said something more along the lines of, “for once in your life could you just shut the fuck up and stop trying to act like I’m the only thing that matters?” But it doesn’t really matter. Castiel disappeared long enough for Dean to get himself together and start preparing himself mentally. True to his request, Castiel remained suspiciously quiet.

“We got an hour till one,” Dean says picking up the bag and tossing it over his shoulder. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Castiel steps in front of the door blocking his exit. Dean raises his eyebrow giving him a pointed look. “Seriously?”

“I’ve done what you asked and, how did you say it, oh yes, ‘just shut the fuck up’,” he snaps stepping up into his space. “But while you’ve been preparing to self sacrifice yourself for yet the hundredth time in your lifetime, I’ve been coming up with a plan.”

Dean drops his bag on the floor and shoves Castiel back. “Don’t you fucking dare pull this bullshit with me now! Not now! Not when we have less than an hour to get Sammy back!”

“Instead of jumping into this and just resigning, I can –”

“No!” Dean shoves him again. “I told you I didn’t want you to do shit. What if something goes wrong – because something always goes wrong – and they snap his neck, huh? I can’t even fucking risk that! Damnit Cas,” Dean sighs runs a hand through his hair, tugging on it with a frustrated yell. “I don’t understand why you can’t just understand how much more he matters than I do.”

The silence that follows has Dean wondering if maybe Castiel is actually getting it. After all these years maybe he’s starting to see how wrong he’s been about his soul burning brighter than anyone else’s, and how worthless he really is. The last thing Dean expects is to be grabbed by his shirt and shoved into the wall hard enough the wind gets knocked from his lungs and the plaster cracks and falls to the floor.

“You’re so self righteous in thinking everything you do, thinking you know no better than everyone else,” Castiel practically growls as his face inches closer to his. “Dean Winchester, you are the most insufferable man in all of creation! What the hell do you think your brother will think knowing you threw your life away for his _again!_ All the pain of having to endure losing you all over again and not even trying to fight!”

“We have zero fucking leads and no idea who the hell even wants me!” Dean snaps back struggling against Castiel’s strength holding him against the wall. “It comes down to Sam, Cas. Sam! It’s my job to keep him safe and after thirty-six years of doing a shit ass job so far, I plan to at least see it through to the end.”

“It’s my job to keep you safe!”

“No one asked you to keep saving me! After all the shit I’ve done to you, there’s no reason why you should even want to be around me! Hell, I don’t even want to be around me!”

Castiel growls, his eyes flashing blue, pushing more of his weight into Dean. “It’s because I love you!”

Dean’s head snaps back as if he’s been smacked. It takes Castiel a moment for the worst he just spoke to hit him before he drops Dean and stumbles backwards, eyes wide with fear. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, and Dean thinks for a heart dropping moment that Cas might actually take back what he said. He can feel his pulse racing as Castiel’s words replay in his mind.

He doesn’t even know what to say to that. Well, he knows what he wants to say to that, but it’s his ninth hour and it doesn’t really seem fair. In the brief minute they stare each other down, Dean weighs his options of actually saying what he wants or not.

“Cas,” he says ignoring how his voice cracks slightly. “Do you mean that?”

Castiel’s eyes search his face frantically before giving a quick nod.

Dean tilts his head and gives a soft smile. “If you love me you’d let me go.”

Castiel’s whole strong, put together demeanor crumbles. “I can’t…don’t ask me to do that.”

Every atom of his body is screaming at him to close the distance between them and wrap his arms around Cas, but he can’t. Dean knows if he allows himself the comfort he might actually give into Castiel. He knows he’ll never forgive himself if something happens to Sam.

Dean feels a single tear slide down his face and decides to ignore it. It wont matter soon, anyway. “I love you too.”

Castiel hides his head in his hands as he shakes his head, another sob shaking his body. Dean can’t handle how much pain he feels coming from Castiel and moves forward to comfort him.

Right before Dean reaches him the door bursts open. Dean spins around to see the man from the video standing there, a inhuman smile stretched across his lips.

“Knew I could get you two to crack sooner or later,” the man says sauntering into the room. “Tell me Castiel. How do you _feel_?”

Dean gropes blindly for his gun that isn’t in the waistband of his pants. He swears to himself remembering how he packed it away, sure he wouldn’t need it where he was going. Tracking the monsters movements, Dean tries to put himself between it and Castiel which only seems to make it smile wider. Dean chances a glance back to Castiel to see a look of shock and horror over his tear stained face.

“No…” he whispers. “No.”

The monster laughs, a hallow short of sound that makes Dean’s blood run cold. “Oh yes, Castiel. And I’ve come to collect.”

“What the hell is he talking about?” Dean snaps looking between them.

Castiel turns to look at him, his blue eyes still wide in fear. “I’m so, so sorry Dean. I didn’t know.”

“What are you talking about! Who is this?” He yells, turning back to the monster isn’t there. Dean spins back around to Castiel, just in time to see the monster lay a hand on his shoulder.

“I didn’t think you would ever…” Castiel gasps at the same time as Dean, looking down to see a black void of nothingness begin to spill from the monsters hand, spreading over his body. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say…I didn’t mean for it to end like this.”

“Cas!” Dean yells, reaching out and grabbing his hand but it slips out of his hold as the blackness spills down over Castiel’s fingers. “What the hell is happening! Tell me how to stop it!”

Castiel gives him that familiar head tilt and a warm smile. “You can’t.”

The black almost has him swallowed up as Dean tries to swipe it away from his body. His hands touch it, but come away with nothing. Almost as if he’s touching nothing but air. Air he can feel. It’s a weird sensation that Dean tries not to think about as he desperately tries to stop the black from climbing higher on Castiel’s neck.

“No!” Dean screams out in frustration. “You can’t have him!” He hears the monster behind him laughing, but his eyes don’t leave Castiel’s as the blackness slowly spills over his face before he disappears into nothing but a black shadow altogether. Dean blinks and then the shadow aftermath is gone.

He hardly as any time to process anything before he hears a wheeze and groan from the doorway, and sees his brother pushing himself up from the ground, bloody free.

“Sammy!” Dean exclaims rushing forward to help him up.

“What the hell happened?” Sammy mumbles, leaning heavily against Dean as he gets to his feet. “Last thing I remember is walking out the door and then something hit me on the back of the head.”

“You-you don’t remember?” Dean asks looking over his brother’s skin for any scratches.

“Remember what?” He asks letting Dean lead him through the brother door and sits on the edge of the bed. “The last thing I remember is telling you I’d check in later.”

“What the…”

“What the hell happened?” Sammy asks again looking around. “Where’s Cas?”

Dean swallows thickly, a cold washing over him when he remembers what just happened moments ago. How can he even describe something like that, let alone what the hell it was. Yet…something about the way that monster smiled seems familiar, somehow. Or maybe something in the voice?

Dean gasps as it all clicks inside his head. It comes out nothing more than a breath as he stares at the spot Castiel stood less than ten minutes ago. “The Empty.” He doesn’t know why, but he knows who. And he’ll be damned if he lets his angel be gone for good.

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me in the comments! ~_^ Kudos give me a high!


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